Some bad leadership habits follow us home.
I was talking with my wife early one morning a week or two ago. She was discussing her social work call schedule. She mentioned that there was primary and secondary call, and that she was generally on “second call.” From my frame of reference as a doc covering intensive care units I wondered how often the person on second call was actually called in. It became my “bottom line” question and I almost interrupted her several times as she spoke about her concerns regarding training for call to get my question answered. I came close to the exercise of a bad leadership habit: the drive toward “BLUF” – bottom line up front. Only it was my bottom line I was interested in, not hers.
But I caught myself. And I allowed her keep talking. She needed to process her experiences. And I needed to hear what she had to say. The experience reminded me of a leadership lesson I have had to repeatedly learn; one that I know I have mentioned here before and I think is related at least in part to having a temperament of extroversion.
I have often found myself as a hospital leader being briefed by subordinates, paging through the briefing slides to see where the briefing was going and then cutting to what I thought was the main point without allowing the argument to be built. It was a bad but perhaps learned behavior. Once while I was briefing a very senior Army general about our hospital construction as we drove to the site in his vehicle, he cut me off at the third slide and asked, “Bottom line doc: is it on-time and under budget?” Well not exactly, Sir…
I know we are busy and that this is a technique to keep things moving and our schedules manageable. But perhaps we are missing opportunities to develop leaders at work. We are certainly selling ourselves short in missing opportunities to expand our own perspective. And at home when listening to family and friends, we need to take care that we don’t allow efficiency to replace empathy.
On the savanna among our ancient ancestors, the leader was often the first one to move. We need to remember that the leader’s courage to move has to be balanced by the willingness to “be moved” by those whom we lead.
It happens through careful attention and intention to their need to know they’ve be heard and listened to.
Chuck Callahan Henry V 4.3 – Lead from the Front https://henryv43.wordpress.com/
Henry V 4.3 
Awesome lesson for both work and life! Thanks for the reminder!!
You are correct. This practice often follows us home an I think it is one that is developed in us as we gain more seniority in an organization. I remember when I was in medical school, residency, and fellowship. It was much easier to be patient and listen to the whole story as someone wanted to tell it. As I became an attending and was placed in increasing positions of responsibility I found that those above me did not want to hear the whole story. They wanted the BLUF and control of the conversation. They would ask for any details they wanted to know. I remember being initially frustrated by this but over time, honestly, that frustration faded and I became accustomed to briefing within 3-5 sentences and waiting for questions. I also often seek the BLUF when recieving briefings as well now……
Recently I too have noticed this practice has followed me home. At the dinner table each night, (as a side note this practice of sitting down to eat as a family each evening I think is one of the most important things I do), my wife and I ask each of our children how their day was. Two of our children are usually relatively brief, probably due to pre-teen / early teenage years and all that goes with it. One, however, almost without fail wants to tell the story sequentially, from start to finish, and with a great deal of detail. A couple minutes into this nightly ritual I find myself often wishing they would get to the point already. I have to remind myself that I asked the question, and it is not my story to tell at that point. It is important to my child to tell the story in the way they want. In the end, I am without fail greatful that I listened to the whole story. Not only is it full of the remarkable little details of the world that are uniquely described through a child’s eye, but my child is happy they were able to tell the story.
This is my leadership lesson as I reflect on this topic today. As leaders, we need to try and let people tell the story the way they need to. They are not actively trying to waste our time. By allowing people to tell the story we gain insight into a situation as experienced by those in the middle of it. It not only leads to more informed decisions but let’s people who work for us know we care about what they do and the challenges they face. This is an important foundation of a team that helps it remain strong when the organization faces stress.
Dr. Callahan, thank you for articulating awareness of “bottom line up front” in which leaders merely become managers needing to “control the conversation” instead of intentionally equipping, preparing, enabling, and sending junior leaders to “develop the insights to become their replacements in situations”. A “responsible” leader is “able to respond” to both anticipated and unexpected situations with the capacity to navigate, otherwise they are not actually leading, they are only occupying a position or title, and sometimes attaching their identity to the “title”, and thereby become unavailable to listen. Once they stop listening they no longer are leading, they are merely marching out front.