“Do you ever forget?”

My niece asked me this question recently.

We were talking about a small black “tattoo” she noticed on my left wrist; a cross with the letters “s” and “a.” I explained that they represented the Latin phrase “Sequor Agnum,” or “I follow the Lamb.” The image is a reminder to me of my daily efforts to follow the life and teachings of Jesus Christ who is depicted more often as a lamb in the New Testament Book of Revelation than any other apocryphal image.

It was the unusual circumstance of this mark that drew her question. I confessed that the “tattoo” was actually something I drew on my wrist with a Sharpee every morning as part of my imperfect efforts to center my focus and attention on what I hoped would be the organizing principle of my day. When she asked the question, I confessed to occasionally forgetting to draw it in the morning and explained that when I noticed it missing I would find another pen and complete the daily ritual. I did forget. But as I recalled the conversation, my casual explanation of the remedy for my forgetfulness obscured a deeper realization.

We all forget.

As leaders and followers, we begin each day or a day’s effort with the hope that we will be faithful to principles and standards that inform our attitudes and actions. It is the personal centering “Why” of our Simon Sinek “Golden Circle.” The most effective leaders can readily identify their own set of similar, centering principles. But the truly honest will also admit their inconsistency in living up to them at the same time as their commitment to continuing the effort.

More than three decades ago as a young general pediatrician, husband and father of three, I outlined what I hoped would be my “life principles” on a three by five card that I still carry in my calendar book.  The first of ten or so principles was to love God. The second was to be a devoted husband and father. The third was to serve my patients as clinician, teacher, researcher, administrator and health care leader.

I would love to say that I have always lived up to the principles. I can at least say that I have returned to them often, including in response to my niece’s recent question.

In terms of one specific discipline, there is a set of practices that have helped me with my desire to be present with my family, my patients, my peers and my neighbors. The practices were learned in my early years as a general pediatrician in our clinic’s five-minute acute appointments. They have served me well through the decades since, at least as long as I remain focused and resist the temptation to see every encounter as an opportunity to reference my “autobiography” (!)

I outlined these four disciplines to a group of medical students recently as helpful practices for any interaction:

• Sit down if possible. (“I have the time.”)
• Lean forward. (“You have my attention.”)
• Make and maintain eye contact. (“I see you.”)
• Mirror their facial expressions with your own. (“I feel this with you.”)

Of course, one could easily add to the list the practice of humble inquiry from Dr. Edgar Schein or the art of asking a second question, both of which have been helpful through the years.

But the truth is my niece’s question reminded me again of my principles and challenged me to renew my efforts toward caring for those whom I lead and serve.

It is a lifelong commitment, while always acknowledging that yes, sometimes I do forget.

Chuck Callahan Henry V 4.3 – Lead from the Front   https://henryv43.com/